(If you have a Toddler about to start nursery, click to read the blog Preparing Your Toddler for Nursery: Things you can do to help)

If your preschooler is due to start nursery soon, you may have found yourself wondering:

“Should they know their letters yet?”

“Can they count to 10?”

“Do they need to recognise their name?”

I know I did. My background is in teaching and I went with what I ‘thought’ my son should know. I remember spending time helping my son practise colours, letters, and sounds before he started nursery. I wanted him to feel prepared and confident on his first day.

But then I had a conversation with his nursery teachers that completely changed my perspective. While they were pleased that he knew some of those things, they told me there were other skills they valued even more.

Not academic skills – life skills.

The skills that help children feel confident, independent, and ready to take part in nursery life. I had pegged it wrong and being a new mum, the guilt I felt was even worse.

So, if you’re worrying that your child doesn’t know all their letters yet, this post is for you.

1. Being Able to Ask for Help

Imagine your child is struggling to open their lunchbox. Or they need help finding the toilet. Or they’ve lost their favourite toy.

One of the most important skills children can develop before nursery is learning to ask for help when they need it.

Many young children are used to adults anticipating their needs at home. At nursery, they’ll begin learning that it’s okay to communicate those needs themselves.

You can encourage this skill by gently prompting your child to ask for help rather than immediately stepping in.

Try saying;

“Can you ask Mummy for help opening that?”

“Let’s tell Daddy what you need.”

These simple interactions help children build confidence in communicating with others.

2. Following Simple Instructions

Nursery involves lots of routines and group activities. Many preschoolers are regularly asked to:

• Put their coat on.
• Wash their hands.
• Sit down for snack time.
• Help tidy away toys.

Being able to follow simple one- and two-step instructions will help your child feel more confident and successful throughout the day.

The good news is that listening skills can be developed through play. Games like ‘Simon Says’, ‘Follow the Leader’, treasure hunts, and obstacle courses are fantastic ways to practise listening without it feeling like learning.

3. Managing Small Challenges

At nursery, things won’t always go to plan…..a tower might fall down …… another child might be using the toy they wanted ….. their painting might not look how they imagined.

Learning to cope with small frustrations is an important part of growing up. This doesn’t mean children need to manage every emotion perfectly – far from it!

What matters is giving them opportunities to experience small challenges and supporting them through those feelings. When something goes wrong, try resisting the urge to fix it immediately. Instead, you could try saying:

“That looks frustrating.”

“I wonder what we could try next?”

These moments help build resilience and problem-solving skills over time.

4. Taking Turns and Playing Alongside Others

One question I hear parents ask a lot is:

“Does my preschooler need to be good at sharing before nursery?”

The short answer is no. Sharing is a skill that develops gradually throughout the toddler and preschool years. However, practising turn-taking can make group play easier and less overwhelming when children start nursery.

Simple ways to practise include:

• Rolling or throwing a ball back and forth
• Taking turns during a board game
• Building a tower together
• Playing simple card games

Most nursery staff don’t expect children to arrive as expert sharers!

5. Having a Go Independently

This is probably the skill nursery practitioners mention most often. Can your child attempt to:

• Put on their coat?
• Wash their hands?
• Open a snack container?
• Tidy away toys?

Notice I said attempt. The goal isn’t about doing it perfectly right. In fact, there will probably be coats on backwards, shoes on the wrong feet, and plenty of snacks spilled along the way.

And that’s all part of learning.

Every time children have a go for themselves, they’re building confidence, problem-solving skills, and a sense of independence. Those are the foundations that help children thrive in a nursery environment.

What Nursery Staff Really Want Parents to Know

If there’s one thing I hope you take away from this post (and I wish someone had told me this when my son was little), it’s this:

You do not need to turn your home into a classroom before nursery starts. Your child does not need to arrive knowing all their letters, numbers, colours, or shapes.

Those skills will come.

What nursery staff often value most are children who are developing the confidence to:

• Have a go.
• Follow simple routines.
• Ask for help.
• Interact with others.
• Try things independently.

Those everyday life skills help children settle more easily, build friendships, and engage in learning opportunities once they arrive.

Every Child Develops at Their Own Pace

It’s so easy to compare our children with others, especially when a big milestone like nursery is approaching, but please, please remember that every child develops differently.

Some children will confidently put on their own coat but struggle to follow instructions. Others will happily chat to adults but find sharing difficult. That’s completely normal.

Nursery isn’t expecting children to arrive with every skill mastered. It’s a place where they continue to learn, grow, and develop.

If your child can start nursery with these skills developing, they’ll have a strong foundation for learning, building friendships, and enjoying their time there. If you’re wondering which everyday skills make the biggest difference before nursery starts, you might also enjoy reading Boosting School Readiness: Fine Motor Skills for Preschoolers and How to Nurture Your Preschooler’s Friendships at Home.

The most important thing they need is support, encouragement, and adults who believe in them. And if you’re reading this, chances are you’re already providing exactly that.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does my child need to know the alphabet before nursery?

No. While some children may recognise letters before nursery, practitioners generally place greater value on skills such as communication, independence, and following routines.

What skills do nursery teachers look for?

Many nursery teachers value independence, social skills, communication, listening skills, and the ability to ask for help when needed.

How can I prepare my child for nursery at home?

Focus on everyday life skills through play and daily routines. Encourage independence, communication, turn-taking, and following simple instructions.

Is it normal if my child can’t share yet?

Yes. Sharing is a developmental skill that takes time to learn. Nursery staff understand that many young children are still developing this ability.

Looking for More Simple Ways to Support Your Child’s Development?

You don’t need complicated activities or expensive resources to help your child learn and grow.

Each week, I share simple play ideas, child development tips, and practical ways to support learning through everyday moments inside the FREE Learning Lighthouse newsletter delivered straight to your inbox.

If you’d like ideas that fit into real family life, I’d love for you to join us. Just click on the link here.

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👉 Download your free activity cards here

And if you need more tips, advice and support with the ‘how’ and ‘why’ behind learning through play activities, you can join my FREE Facebook group here. I hope to see you in there.

Karmal x

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