(If you have a preschooler about to start nursery, click to read the blog Preparing Your preschooler for Nursery: Key Life Skills)
Starting daycare or nursery is a big milestone for both children and parents.
I still remember how I felt when my son started nursery. I was excited for him to make friends, learn new things, and gain a little independence. But if I’m being completely honest, I was also nervous.
Would he be happy without me?
Would he settle in?
Would he be upset when I left?
As parents, we’re often so focused on whether our children are ready that we forget to acknowledge something important: this is a big transition for us too.
The good news is that there are simple things you can do before your child’s first day to help make the transition feel a little smoother for everyone.
Remember: Change Can Feel Big for Little People
When we (parents) think about starting daycare or nursery, we (parents) often focus on the exciting opportunities ahead.
For toddlers, however, the experience can feel very different. They’re entering a new environment filled with unfamiliar adults, new routines, different expectations, and lots of other children. There may be an element of excitement but also a BIG fear of the unknown.
Some children walk in happily from day one. Others take a little longer to feel comfortable – neither is right or wrong – every child settles at their own pace. Even positive changes can feel overwhelming at first for out little ones. That’s why it’s completely normal for toddlers to need time to adjust.
Talk About Nursery/Daycare/Pre-K Before It Starts
One simple way to prepare your toddler is to start talking about nursery before their first day. You don’t need long explanations; short, positive conversations are often enough.
You could say things like:
- “You’re going to have lots of fun playing at nursery.”
- “You’ll meet new friends.”
- “Your teachers will take care of you while Mummy works.”
- “After nursery, I’ll come back and pick you up.”
Young children find comfort in knowing what to expect.
Reading books about starting nursery can also help them become familiar with the idea and open up conversations about any worries they may have. Books such as Maisy Goes to Nursery by Lucy Cousins, Time to Go to Nursery by Penny Tassoni, Lulu Loves Nursery by Camilla Reid are great for reading with your little one and start to prepare them for what’s coming.
Practise Short Separations Before Nursery Starts
For some toddlers, nursery may be the first time they’ve spent significant time away from a parent or caregiver. This was the case for my son and he literally had to be peeled off me or my husband when he started nursery.
If possible, try introducing short separations beforehand such as:
- Spending time with grandparents
- Staying with a trusted family member
- Attending a playgroup independently
- Having another caregiver take them to an activity
These experiences help children learn an important lesson that “Mummy or Daddy always comes back.”. Over time, this helps to build trust and confidence.
Prepare for Nursery by Creating Predictable Routines
Toddlers thrive on routine. Knowing what happens next helps them feel safe and secure. In the weeks leading up to nursery, try establishing simple daily routines around:
- Waking up
- Mealtimes
- Getting dressed
- Bedtime
You could even begin practising parts of the nursery morning routine, e.g. putting on shoes, packing a bag, and leaving the house at a similar time. These small routines can help the actual transition feel more familiar.
Once Nursery Starts, Expect Some Big Feelings
One of the most reassuring things we as parents should know is this:
Tears at drop-off do not mean you’ve made the wrong decision.
Many toddlers cry when separating from their parent, especially during the first few weeks. It’s often their way of expressing uncertainty about a new situation rather than a sign that they’re unhappy.
Have a chat with the nursery staff if this is upsetting for you and your child. A good nursery will communicate with you and find ways in which to help. The biggest thing that I appreciated when our son had difficulty settling in was a call from the nursery once he was inside and has been peeled off me yet again! As I sat there in the car park crying, wondering if I had done the right thing – again, they would call just to let me know that he had stopped crying and was playing with some toys. This was huge for me and within a few weeks, the calls had stopped and we had a happy little boy at nursery.
The truth is that many children stop crying within minutes of their parent leaving and quickly become engaged in play. It’s just us parents who are left with the emotional guilt of it all!
Don’t be surprised to notice the following at home:
- Extra clinginess with you
- Changes in sleep patterns
- Increased tiredness
- More emotional outbursts
These are all common responses to a big life change. This is when your child will need you to be patient with them – and with yourself.
After a Day at Nursery, Focus on Connection at Home
Starting nursery can be tiring for toddlers. They’re learning new routines, building relationships, and processing lots of new experiences. Sometimes what they need most after nursery isn’t another activity, it’s connection.
Simple moments can make a big difference. Try these:
- Reading a story together
- Going for a walk
- Sharing a snack
- Cuddling on the sofa
- Talking about their day
These moments help fill your child’s emotional cup and reassure them that home is still their safe place.
You’re Allowed to Have Feelings Too
We often spend so much time talking about how children feel that we forget about parents.
But watching your child walk into nursery for the first time can bring up all sorts of emotions.
- Pride
- Excitement
- Relief
- Sadness
- Worry
Sometimes all at once.
It’s a reminder that our children are growing up – and that’s wonderful and heartbreaking all at the same time.
So if you find yourself shedding a tear after drop-off, know that you’re not alone, and things do get better.
The Goal Isn’t a Perfect Transition
It’s easy to hope for a smooth first day, a cheerful goodbye, and a child who skips happily into nursery without looking back.
Sometimes that happens. Often, it doesn’t.
The goal isn’t to avoid every tear or worry. The goal is to help your child feel safe, supported, and confident as they navigate a big new experience.
With time, patience, and plenty of reassurance, most children settle wonderfully into their new environment. And before long, you’ll likely be hearing all about the painting they made, the song they learned, or the friend they played with that day.
If you’re wondering which everyday skills make the biggest difference before nursery starts, you might also enjoy reading 5 Easy Fine Motor Activities for Toddlers at Home, Easy Ways To Support Your Toddler’s Development at Home and Playful Sorting Activities That Boost Toddler Confidence and Focus.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I prepare my toddler for nursery?
Talk positively about nursery, establish predictable routines, read books about starting nursery, and provide opportunities for short separations before their first day.
Is it normal for my toddler to cry at nursery drop-off?
Yes. Many toddlers cry during the first few days or weeks as they adjust to a new environment. This is a normal part of the settling-in process.
How long does it take a toddler to settle into nursery?
Every child is different. Some settle within days, while others may take several weeks. Consistency and reassurance are key.
What if my toddler doesn’t want me to leave?
Stay calm, keep goodbyes short and predictable, and trust the nursery staff to support your child. Long, emotional goodbyes can sometimes make separation harder.
Looking for More Ways to Support Your Child’s Development?
Whether your little one is starting nursery, learning through play at home, or reaching new developmental milestones, I’d love to support you along the way.
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Karmal x
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